If I read this, then it seems as if I have a choice. But in reality, there’s no choice. There’s no crosspoint in my life anymore, where I could decide to get “healthy and strong” instead of “starving and skinny”.
I started my weight loss as a journey and I chose to follow the path of a diet with quick results, but the bridge to my normal eating habits broke down and now I’m sitting in a desert with no way back. And there’s only myself and my self-hate and my pain.

If I could cross the desert, perhaps then there would be a new crosspoint, but at the moment I don’t care anymore. I’m too weak to take another step.

I differ between fasting and starving.

When I’m fasting, I don’t feel hungry. I simply don’t eat and I’m happy with it. When I’m starving, then I’m feeling bad and sick. When I’m starving, then I eat some food, while during a fast I don’t need it.

And I know that I can’t be healthy with starving, but even some healthy people have the habit of Intermittent Fasting/fast on a regular basis/etc. Fasting is not unhealthy, it’s the intention of the fast.