If I read this, then it seems as if I have a choice. But in reality, there’s no choice. There’s no crosspoint in my life anymore, where I could decide to get “healthy and strong” instead of “starving and skinny”.
I started my weight loss as a journey and I chose to follow the path of a diet with quick results, but the bridge to my normal eating habits broke down and now I’m sitting in a desert with no way back. And there’s only myself and my self-hate and my pain.
If I could cross the desert, perhaps then there would be a new crosspoint, but at the moment I don’t care anymore. I’m too weak to take another step.